MWF

I love not having classes on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. This is awesome.

I hope this semester is going to be a carefree one. After previous accounts of panic attacks, general anxiety disorders, tears, fears and self-hate (all in the past), I think there is much to look forward to.

I am 98% positive that I got an internship with the Shenandoah Bach Festival. Now, if I can also get this paid internship with Virginia Association of Broadcasters, all will be zen.

Anna Karina

Huge icon for me, from style to personality, and from looks to her cute and suave, yet coy nature. I wish the paths I come across will be as fortunate and kind to me as they were to Anna Karina.

So close to getting anywhere. I just have to get myself going.


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Also.... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Holy matrimony

Alright. So every once in a while, I indulge on looking at everything weddings -- pictures, party favors, center pieces, invitations, and of course... the DRESSES. God bless the dresses. I can't help it, weddings are a guilty pleasure for me. Even though I don't plan on being anyone's wife, I've always dreamed of having my own wedding. They're just so pretty (when done right, as far as style and taste go)!

When I imagine my wedding, everything is sepia toned, as if filmed with a tan sheer pantyhose filter. There is lots of lace, chiffon, beige flower petals, ivory and pink gold ribbons, pearls, some silver touches, and madeleines at the reception table. The men are all in their finest tailored suits, some with bowler hats, and my future husband has coattails. My hair is wavy, loose, and pinned back, playfully messy, and my dress is easy to breathe in, long and sheer with lots of lace overlays and chiffon fabric. I get so excited thinking about a wedding I probably won't even have!!!

"Fashion fades. Style remains the same."

My homegirl, Coco. She was never anyone's wife either, and she made her own money. I want to be like her -- tough and hardened by struggle and strife. Always elegant. Every time I feel like I am losing perspective on things, I remind myself to stay sharp and classy.

Mama got me tights, perfume, a dress, and meringues for Christmas. That's all I need! :D

Why does everyone always hate on the childless relative?

It's that time of the year where families get together and tensions rise as siblings and parents say snappy lines towards each other, further fueling the fire and reaffirming just how much you and your family can't get along. For me, this is the time of year where a lack of privacy, an extra dose of anxiety, and a huge bottle of red wine (not for sharing) become the only gifts I get for Christmas. I feel so guilty for not wanting to be home for Christmas, and maybe I'm just pouting, but I seriously cannot stand being around my sisters or their children. As much as I love my sisters, there's no reason I should feel responsible or obligated to them. If Christmas could go the way I wanted, I would just have my parents over for dinner. But god has a way of waving his finger at me. "No," he says, "you must also spend the holiday with people who are going to patronize you, isn't that a lot of fun?!"

I would be able to tolerate the holidays if everyone wasn't so pressing about how motherhood is the one and only factor that proves a woman's strength. Seriously? That's the real argument? Please.

I don't get why people always hate on the relative that just doesn't want kids. I learned at a very young age that neither marriage nor children were in the cards for me, that I wanted to lead an independent, career-oriented lifestyle, and that I would be happy spending the rest of my life with just a partner and my work. For that I do not apologize because I think I am only being honest with myself. Yet honesty gets me in trouble with my relatives, who think that because I'm not a mother, I'm not a responsible, mature, intelligent adult. Guess all my years studying in pursuit of a degree is not what qualifies me as such. Oh, the confusion!

Mothers. Give me a break! I commend you for all your sacrifices, but be nice this year to your relatives who are honest enough to make a decision that makes them happy!

Keeping calm and carrying on

I need an actual vacation. One where I can really feel at peace and relaxed, where I can breathe cold, wintery air and wear my cute new owl pajamas. Where I can sip on hot chocolate while Grisha and I watch an old movie on netflix, while gingerbread sits in the oven.

I wish it will snow on my birthday again. :)

I'm having an awful time

Virginia Beach is a city of misery.

Really trying hard to grit my teeth and not be the relative that ruins ThanksKILLING for everyone.