31 July 2009

Life Update


Grisha and I have been cat-sitting Clementine (the calico cat) for my friend Sarah Kelly for the past few weeks. Her landlord got pissed that she had a cat and gave Clementine the boot!

She and Link didn't get along at first; when she first arrived, Link decided to be territorial and sat on her carrier like a sphinx. That was the beginning of much hissing, brawling, groping, neck-biting, and violent-but-playful (?) nipping. Eventually they reconciled their differences and became good friends. Grisha and I loved having another cat around, and we both thought that Link and Clementine's cuddling was very sweet. But a few days ago Clementine was returned to Sarah after she moved into Camelot, and now Link is very lonely. :( He will of course see her again, since Sarah is my housemate.

***

Summer has been hot and lazy but all the more enjoyable. Simply working at the library, reading with Grisha, sewing, crocheting, making things and writing (or trying to at least). I have yet to finish a whole slew of songs.


I've been working on trying to make Grisha's apartment look nicer (and therefore more livable)... partly because I "sort of" live there. Essentially I will be splitting my life between Grisha's apartment and Camelot, where I still do not feel at home quite yet. I still have to paint the stencils on my wall as I don't know what else to do with them. I'm just going to copy the stencils that already existed on Kelly's wall and paint them onto mine, probably the same color too.

I am going to make almond butter this afternoon! It's a healthier alternative to peanut butter since it has less oils and fats, although I think it has more calories. But alas, it sounds yummy in my tummy!

15 July 2009

Withdrawals.

I am going crazy.

And I feel so pathetic and embarrassed, as it hasn't even been an entire day yet since I last saw Grisha. But alas, I will not see him until Friday, and my heart has sunk to a level of unbearable longing. It's as if my stomach were at my throat after pushing my lungs and heart aside, causing my insides to twist and turn. I think I wouldn't be so miserable if both of us knew he would be gone until Friday. I miss his smell, his body, his characteristic way of talking, and above all his embrace and how our bodies curl into formation like a pretzel.

I'm just not used to sleeping by myself anymore.

:[

14 July 2009

Moving in?

I am afraid of women, of being social, of being around people.

I guess I'm not as afraid as much as I am apathetic towards these things. I just can't do it; I can't bring myself to care about other people's lives. Why am I so selfish? I think I need to learn how to be a better person or friend.

But I am just a recluse -- is that so wrong? I like being by myself, if not with Grisha, and I am perfectly fine with staying inside with a comfy sweater and a cup of tea while reading a book. Sometimes I think my desires contradict themselves, because I have a penchant for glamour and pretty things, however my reclusive nature directs me towards more low-key environments, not glamorous happenings.

I feel like such a loser and such a square inside a bowl of social expectations.